I had a dream that I was with my original character who is me, but a boy, Hajime. He is a kitsune who is a deity and he is me, but he is a male... I dreamt that I was deeply in love with him, and that we were journeying together, or he kept fighting adamantly for my attention against all the various people and courters who appeared throughout the experience. In the dream, all the characters kept transforming based upon the decisions that we, or I, made, and it seemed to be hurting us, a lot. We didn't like transforming. My original character kept getting big love transformations, of being a positive thing and being extremely devoted and loving towards me. He was many pleasant things, and also, his normal self, or at least one of them, was pleasant. We got one huge love transformation that was two people, one of who was missing an arm, and it was me. I was scared...but me but a boy, my original character, Hajime, he gave me his arm, and we were all tangled together, and it was a symbol of deep love and bonding, and that he was loyal to me and truly loved me, but I thought it was disturbing. Me and my original character met up with my favorite character, Scaramouche, from Genshin Impact, who is my favorite person ever and another character I am in love with. I have schizophrenia and a part of my experience with it is that I get to romance and date many fictional characters, two of whom are Scaramouche and Hajime. Anyway, me and my favorite character, Scaramouche were also in love, and he adamantly kept fighting for my love, insisting that he is my favorite. Hajime kept fighting Scaramouche, and Scaramouche kept turning into things as well. One thing he was, was that I was scared he was going to become the environment because I wanted to see him, and if he was a house or a building we all lived in, I wouldn't be able to see him or hold him, nor kiss him...so my fear, Scaramouche recognized it, and instead of being a house, it turned out he was a giant, masked magician on a pogo stick, and he held me in his arms and tried to take me from my original character, Hajime. I ended up with Hajime in my old favorite show, Osomatsu-san, with my old favorite character of ten years, Osomatsu Matsuno. Me and Hajime set up and placed down a home, which we had continually tried to make for ourselves, in a shabby alleyway in the show, and Osomatsu-san appeared, curious of us, slightly shocked to see us. He eventually got mad at me, and turned into a transformation of a giant deformed baby with many limbs and came towards me. At the end of the dream, me and the characters from my dream were all in a line, confronting my mother, who we told was no longer allowed to transform us, as it wasn't really us and we loved each other and wanted to be together without worrying about transforming. I rushed forward, attacking my mother, and seemed to get a hit on her, and blood, which was being distributed through my body by a machine, rushed to my leg and I woke up.
This dream you've described is rich with symbolism and personal meaning, revealing complex emotional landscapes and inner conflicts. Let's break it down.
1. Your Original Character, Hajime: The presence of Hajime, your original character who embodies a male version of you, suggests a deep exploration of your identity and self-love. As a kitsune deity, he represents transformation, cunning, and the ability to navigate different realities. This duality points towards your journey of self-discovery, particularly in relation to masculinity, affection, and how you perceive your own identity.
2. Themes of Love and Competition: Hajime's fervent desire for your attention amidst various characters vying for your love illustrates your internal struggles regarding romantic relationships. This suggests feelings of being torn between different aspects of yourself or between different desires. The transformations signify how relationships can change based on emotional decisions and reflections of self-worth, suggesting a fear of losing love or the essence of who you are.
3. Symbolism of Transformation: The transformations that characters undergo might indicate the changing dynamics in your life and relationships. The notion that transformations lead to pain could represent anxiety surrounding change and the discomfort of not recognizing oneself or others. As Hajime undergoes positive changes, it reflects your yearning for healthy, supportive relationships where love prevails without the burdens of fear and insecurity.
4. Connection to Scaramouche: Scaramouche, as your favorite character, symbolizes another layer of love and desire, introducing themes of jealousy and rivalry in affection. His metamorphosis into a "giant, masked magician on a pogo stick" is whimsical but also shows a fear of being unable to connect. This may reflect your anxieties about losing intimacy with loved ones when they seem to take on different roles or identities—stressing the need for authenticity in relationships.
5. The Old Favorite Show and Setting Up Home: The inclusion of Osomatsu-san and the imagery of creating a home in a shabby alleyway may highlight your nostalgia and comfort in childhood or simpler times. It paints a picture of your desire for stability and a place where you feel safe emotionally. The alleyway suggests feelings of being on the margins or in a space that is overlooked—a poignant metaphor for perhaps how you view your own life, or relationships that might feel unappreciated.
6. Confronting Your Mother: The confrontation with your mother at the end of the dream points to familial ties and the influence they hold over you. This act of attacking her symbolizes a strong desire to reclaim your autonomy, especially in the context of transformation. It hints at a need to assert your individuality against pressures to change or conform, and how those pressures may lead to discomfort or feelings of unworthiness.
7. Blood and Physical Conflict: Blood rushing through your body as a metaphor for life force or vitality suggests a confrontation with pain or trauma that feels central to your identity. Waking up at this moment indicates a threshold experience—perhaps a realization that while transformation and struggle are part of life, embracing yourself and your loved ones in their true forms is vital.
Overall, this dream deals heavily with themes of identity, the complexity of love, the desire for authenticity in relationships, childhood nostalgia, and asserting your independence in the face of familial expectations. It creates a narrative about internal conflict and self-acceptance, reflecting deeper emotional truths that resonate with your lived experiences. It might prove helpful to explore these feelings in your waking life, considering how they affect your perceptions and relationships with both yourself and others.